Fuck You, Fuck Me.

Coming off my night shift in that haze, I see my feet, my boots in a friends new profile picture, our boots pressed together in this way from the time we looked at each other in that way. I wonder what his intention is. It's all very hard to understand no matter which angle you look at it from. And I agree with Alisha, men and women are so very different, so pathetically and profoundly different all at once:” I draw hearts in the clay while they look for their next job." Alisha is saying something about the differences between men and women in relation to goal orientation and she may as well start with the sex organs to prove her point if you ask Cixous and me; I am talking about multiplicity and interconnectedness vs. linear and independent thinking.

I try not to get all caught up in this sort of thing, heartthrob and gross reason, but as it turns out I am a real live human woman, (thinking, feeling, desiring, demanding), and I can't be sorry for any of it.

Radical differences invoke crazy making. I mean that rather than finding some meeting point, some perspective as insight, the sexes remain in this cesspool of confusion and misunderstanding: "Fucking men." "Fucking women."

NO, Fucking You

Some possible differences:

Men and women tend to approach problems differently. While our ability to problem solve is equal, our approach and process tends to be different. For most women, sharing and discussing a problem presents an opportunity to explore, deepen or strengthen the relationship with the person they are talking with. Women are usually more concerned about how problems are solved than merely solving the problem itself. For women, solving a problem can profoundly impact whether they feel closer and less alone or whether they feel distant and less connected. The process of solving a problem can strengthen or weaken a relationship. Most men are less concerned and do not feel the same as women when solving a problem.

Men approach problems in a very different manner than women. For most men, solving a problem presents an opportunity to demonstrate their competence, their strength of resolve, and their commitment to a relationship. How the problem is solved is not nearly as important as solving it effectively and in the best possible manner. Men have a tendency to dominate and to assume authority in a problem solving process. They set aside their feelings provided the dominance hierarchy was agreed upon in advance and respected. They are often distracted and do not attend well to the quality of the relationship while solving problems.

While men and women can reach similar conclusions and make similar decisions, the process they use can be quite different and in some cases can lead to entirely different outcomes. In general, men and women consider and process information differently.

Women tend to be intuitive global thinkers. They consider multiple sources of information within a process that can be described as simultaneous, global in perspective and will view elements in the task in terms of their interconnectedness. Women come to understand and consider problems all at once. They take a broad or "collective" perspective, and they view elements in a task as interconnected and interdependent. Women are prone to become overwhelmed with complexities that "exist", or may exist, and may have difficulty separating their personal experience from problems.

Men tend to focus on one problem at a time or a limited number of problems at a time. They have an enhanced ability to separate themselves from problems and minimize the complexity that may exist. Men come to understand and consider problems one piece at a time. They take a linear or sequential perspective, and view elements in a task as less interconnected and more independent. Men are prone to minimize and fail to appreciate subtleties that can be crucial to successful solutions. A male may work through a problem repeatedly, talking about the same thing over and over, rather than trying to address the problem all at once.

Women have an enhanced ability to recall memories that have strong emotional components. They can also recall events or experiences that have similar emotions in common. Women are very adept at recalling information, events or experiences in which there is a common emotional theme. Men tend to recall events using strategies that rely on reconstructing the experience in terms of elements, tasks or activities that took place. Profound experiences that are associated with competition or physical activities are more easily recalled. There appears to be a structural and chemical basis for observed memory differences. For instance, the hippocampus, the area in the brain primarily responsible for memory, reacts differently to testosterone in men and it reacts differently to changing levels of estrogen and progesterone in women. Women tend to remember or be reminded of different "emotional memories" and content to some extent as part of their menstrual cycle.

But, the ‘root of the root, the bud of the bud,’ (the who of the what) is that whether you are man or woman (or trans-gendered of course!) it all boils down to the self, aside from any biological differences research begs.

So (please), Fuck the “Men, Women!” generalizations. Learn from your opposite sex to find both femininity and masculinity in the self, and then paint a collaborative non-fucking picture.

Kaly, is that you?

"A - -AAA lissssa........."

Kaly? Kaly? You're breaking up!

"I I I HAte........"

Kaly, is it who I think??

"Yes. Margot."

I know Kaly, she is a real Pedi these days...But you're not a puppy anymore. You can stop the abuse now.

"She is s s sc sca scary, especially since Pizza.....Pizza Hut"

I know Kaly, I know. She has gained weight. But just say no; No means no Kaly.

"I love you Alissa, I love you more than God loves everything and everyone."

I love you too Kaly, I love you too.

ok, I smoked and ate icecream, but it's just because I wasn't ready for the change and I panicked. I'm still off the E. Feeling better now that one of my besties came to visit. Hi Alisha! I hope the apartments cozy for you and Kaly.

Day 2.

Scariest part of a roller coaster ride is the slow ascent to the top, when you hover its dive for about 5 seconds, and anticipate your grave plunge.

Now I am suspended; I have more than 5 seconds before I take my official plunge, but my ride will be for about 2 weeks rather than 2 minutes.

So, here I will make a promise entirely for my own benefit. I will write everyday for the next two weeks, with no structure or expectation in mind except complete honesty.

Day 2:

No: Cigarettes, Caffeine, E.

Let the hallucinations begin.

Do you have the Need for Speed?

Be consistent, like Obama.