Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Don't Kill Me, Love Me.
Naked obscurity is aiding me in self-discovery. I am learning about my needs and desires, a good place to begin. Winnie embraces me without any motive necessarily, and Kate is willing to share even in the midst of my raw intimidation; simple gifts are keeping me afloat when it feels like, whether justified or not, I have a broken heart.
I am a good person am I, being in community supporting those with disabilities? I don't know where I would be without those who I apparently support. I need these friends, and I need their communion.
I used to laugh at this sort of thing in adolescence, as if broken hearts were drama and pain without a cause. Humans are complex, contradictory, and it seems like there IS truth with a capital T, but it is plural rather than singular, Many rather than One. This is not an argument for relativity; it is a statement about truth being a conglomeration of difference. I think unity can be achieved this way.
Until the end of time I will ask questions, confident that there are no answers for me (little me) to attain. Is it possible that the questions are the answers? And that questioning IS the process that deepens our humanity until ultimately details are more sensible and visible, and further, the ability to be present becomes a natural condition for humans to live meaningfully?
I keep getting caught in the gaze of core members, asking me to be with them NOW. A gaze is a request or a demand; immediately the stranger speaks with their eyes, "Don't kill me. Love me." I don't touch the stranger, unless I have one of my public transit encounters...sharing happens there, hugging and crying and gratitude too.
…But when the One follows that gaze, fingers your vulnerabilities, asks for your assurance beyond immediate and necessary encounters in otherness, here your emotional safety walks the plank.
I once read that intimacy by kiss is dangerous…you risk a bite.
I don't know who has done the biting this time.
I am a good person am I, being in community supporting those with disabilities? I don't know where I would be without those who I apparently support. I need these friends, and I need their communion.
I used to laugh at this sort of thing in adolescence, as if broken hearts were drama and pain without a cause. Humans are complex, contradictory, and it seems like there IS truth with a capital T, but it is plural rather than singular, Many rather than One. This is not an argument for relativity; it is a statement about truth being a conglomeration of difference. I think unity can be achieved this way.
Until the end of time I will ask questions, confident that there are no answers for me (little me) to attain. Is it possible that the questions are the answers? And that questioning IS the process that deepens our humanity until ultimately details are more sensible and visible, and further, the ability to be present becomes a natural condition for humans to live meaningfully?
I keep getting caught in the gaze of core members, asking me to be with them NOW. A gaze is a request or a demand; immediately the stranger speaks with their eyes, "Don't kill me. Love me." I don't touch the stranger, unless I have one of my public transit encounters...sharing happens there, hugging and crying and gratitude too.
…But when the One follows that gaze, fingers your vulnerabilities, asks for your assurance beyond immediate and necessary encounters in otherness, here your emotional safety walks the plank.
I once read that intimacy by kiss is dangerous…you risk a bite.
I don't know who has done the biting this time.
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